Ok.  I've had some time to cool down now.  And work out things so that I can move forward and schedule my surgery for next spring.

They say God does everything for a reason.  Of course He never tells anyone about His plans.  The scariest part is that the day I was scheduled to have my surgery this week, my coworker's mom passed away.  She's gonna be out the exact amount of days I was scheduled to be out for my surgery.  Someone has to stay in the clinic - and God decided it would be me.  That was a spooky 'coincidence'.

So I'm coping and realizing there are other things I'm supposed to be taking care of right now.  Like making more drain pouches.  Or saving up my paid sick time.  Or waiting for my better insurance to take effect. 

I think what bothers me most is that this surgery was supposed to be my closing chapter.  This was the end of the breast cancer saga.  No more major doctor appointments.  No more surgeries.  No more complicated tests or procedures.  I was going to go back to normal and no loner be 'that girl with cancer'.  But since my last surgery is delayed, it makes me feel like it's not over yet.  But why isn't it over?  What else could I possibly have left to do that I'm not allowed to move on?

I'm hurt.  I'm angry.  I don't know how to feel!

This week was supposed to be a happy, yet complicated time for me.  I was supposed to have my last phase of reconstructive surgery done this Thursday and spend some time off work healing and resting.  But noooooooooo - that's not happening.

So I had my pre-op on 10/04/16 and everything went fine.  My exam went great.  I went over what I had to do and what to expect.  I paid the surgeon and the anesthesiologist their part.  I walked out of there feeling so victorious and anxious at the same time.  But today I get a call from the lady that schedules the procedures and checks insurance and etc.  Let's call her E.  So E. calls and fusses that my insurance is in the grace period - time out.

I have Marketplace insurance right now.  It's due on the first of every month, but if you don't pay on time you get a 'grace period' of time to pay it an your insurance is still active.  It's like getting a final notice on your electric bill - you have to pay it by this date or they're cutting it off.  And I admit I got behind on my insurance premiums over the summer when I was out of work.  But when I started working again, I started paying down my past due premiums and worked to make sure that as each month passed, they may still be in grace period but they would not be cut off.

So E. proceeds to tell me that she is uncomfortable going forward with my surgery since my premiums are in the grace period.  She claims she is worried that if I don't pay my insurance on time that my insurance will lapse and I'll be stuck with a huge bill.  Oh, and not to mention the doctors will too and she hints how they have to look out for their bottom line too.  I tried to tell her that I've been working to get my premiums current and that my insurance is still valid.  I also stress to her that I would NEVER stiff Dr. A or any of his staff on something this huge and would never run off without making sure they get paid.  She kept repeating that it would be best to reschedule and that she didn't feel like the DR would be comfortable continuing either.  Go figure that as soon as I mentioned my new insurance kicking in at my new job soon, she immediately started pressuring me to reschedule - oh but only after I got my new insurance cards in my hand.  I then asked her if I could just push it back a few weeks to try and catch up my premiums - in which she told me no because the doctor was booked for the rest of the year.  E. then told me he would consult with the doctor and see what 'he thinks would be best' and call me back.  An hour later she calls me back and says that he thinks I need to reschedule until I get my new insurance cards.  She didn't say much else and then hung up when I stopped talking and just started crying.

First of all - I was pumped up for this surgery!  My hype level was through the roof!  Was was over the moon to have this done!  I was even risking taking non-paid time off and recuperating alone just to see this through.  And here she comes just snatching it away from me - just days before it was supposed to happen.  She didn't talk to me during my pre-op.  She didn't call me last week.  Three days before!

Secondly - she made me feel like the lowest piece of crap they have ever scheduled with.  So just because I got behind on my insurance premiums you guys won't operate on me?  Do you think I'm going to get the surgery done and then stiff the doctors on the bill?  What kind of a person do you think I am??
Dr. A has always shown me that he cares about more than just money and has always worked with me regarding bills or expenses.  While he may have concerns about me affording the surgery, I don't believe for 2 seconds he suddenly became concerned that I'm going to skip out on my insurance bills and leave him in the lurch.  I refuse to believe that man thinks so little of me and told E. to cancel my surgery because of money.

So I cried through most of work today and came home and pouted.  I even ugly cried.  I just didn't care.

I don't want to hear that everything happens for a reason.  I don't care if you think this is part of some grander plan that I have to follow.  I got excited.  I was ready.  Then you popped my balloon and I sunk to the floor.  I'm so depressed, I may just stay there a while...

Final pre-op visit today!

So today was my final pre-op appt for my last phase of reconstructive surgery I'm having at the end of this month.  Before the appt, I was able to make and gather 16 drain pouches to donate to Dr. A. and the case manager.  I wanted to take more, but I ran out of time/money/materials etc.  I figured I can start delivering them in segments, as long as I keep them coming.

I get to the office and hand the drain pouches over to Miss C. and she takes them to Dr. A. in the back.  She comes back and tells me that he LOVES them.  I was so happy that everyone liked them and that I was able to contribute something useful and pretty!

Once I'm in a room, I've given all the paperwork that tells me what to do and not to do before and after the surgery as well as a list of supplies I'll need for after care.  Then Miss I. takes before photos of my breasts and my chin.  Dr. A. will be fixing my boobs and well as my double chin so it's a double whammy!  When Dr. A. came in the room, he told me a more about what to expect and what he'll be doing.  I love that he was in a good mood today, and almost like he kew something I didn't - like a constant smirk.  He thanked me for the drain pouches and said how much they were a great idea and well thought out.  Aw!  We talked about sizes and what to expect in bandages and compression belts after the lipo.  As of right now, I'm still not sure what my 'final' size will be, so I think I'll need to go somewhere and get re-sized when all this is done.

Before I left, I paid for Dr. A.'s and Dr. D.'s part of the surgery and confirmed my surgery times.  On the way home, Mom and I stopped for tacos when I got an alert on my phone.  After spending 20 minutes trying to connect the dots, I finally went back to the drain pouch fundraising website and found that Dr. A. had made a huge donation!  I knew he liked the pouches, but this was over the top!  No wonder he kept smirking at me during my appt.  lol  So I cried all the way home and couldn't believe what a great day this had turned out to be.

My surgery is only two weeks away, so while I'm preparing for time off and gathering supplies, I need to get to work making more drain pouches!