So we can add another disease/disorder to Stina’s ever-growing list of “Problems that make me feel like an old lady before my time” – Gout.

I noticed some pain in my foot last week, but thought I had just bruised my toe or was getting a callus. I brushed it off for a few days. But one night I tried to go to bed and just end up tossing and turning all night from the pain. I called my PCP’s office and was lucky enough to get in the same day. The doctor took one look at it and said it was gout. She did some blood work and called me in an RX for it. I wasn’t able to get my medicine right away, so I didn’t sleep much that night and eventually cried myself to sleep from the pain.

For two days, I argued with the pharmacy and the insurance company about with version of the gout medicine would be covered and what I can afford. Finally found a medicine that would be covered with a low copay, but it was out of stock in every pharmacy in Tyler, so Walgreens wouldn’t have it for another 3 days. I went to the pharmacy that night to get my insulin, I started crying just standing in line. I broke down and paid full price for the gout medicine. I was so angry with myself and just wanted to kick myself for spending the money, but I wasn’t sure I could take it anymore. I also bought a pair of crutches to use for the next few days. It helped keep some of the pressure of my sore foot and helped alleviate some of the pain. Other than that, there’s really no relief for it. Ice/heat don’t help. Pain medicines don’t touch it. Can’t stretch, bend or flex it out. It’s. Just. There.

The medicine is for 7 days, so by then all my symptoms should be gone. Although gout can be a chronic problem, it can also just be periodic with random flares – I hope I have the latter option. If you’ve ever seen that episode of King of the Hill where Bobby gets gout from eating too many liver deli meats, they make it sound like it’s no big deal and even somewhat humorous. It’s not. Gout sucks. I’ve been through a lot of diseases, problems and medical procedures in my life. This has been – by far – the worst. Worse than any chemo/radiation treatments I’ve had. Worse than any bone marrow biopsy or spinal tap. Worse than the two hips surgeries I’ve had. Even 10 times worse than the double mastectomy I had. Yeah. It sucks. Just take my word for it.

Another day spent in Dallas.

My first appointment was with Dr. S. before getting my Herceptin.  He is always so happy to see me and says he'll miss me when he leaves in March.  He says I'm looking great after all my treatments and is amazed at how well I've tolerated the treatments.  Dr. S. says my prognosis is looking great and he has full confidence that I will keep doing great.  My next visit to see him in March will be the last time I get to see him before he leaves for Oregon, so I need to do something special for him.  I hope he leaves a forwarding address.
Then I went down for my scheduled Herceptin therapy.  I checked the schedule and my last Herceptin therapy is set for April 12th.  And then I'm done!

My next appointment was across the hospital with Dr. B.  I was so nervous about seeing him because my sugar levels have been out of whack and I feel so out of control about them.  Dr. B scares me a little bit, so my pulse was racing by the time he came in.  But he told me to increase my nightly insulin and continue monitoring my dinnertime insulin.  Then he told me to come back in 3 months.  Was it really that easy?!  I felt so relieved by the time I left there I thought I was going to cry.  And next time I just have to check in with the nurse practitioner, so hopefully next time will be just as easy!

My final appointment for the day was with Dr. A. and a fresh boob pump!  ha ha
He came in and gave a quick look over.  Then he pumped up the left one and then handed the needle over to one of his new nurses to pump the other one.  That was weird and a little more painful than when Dr. A. did it, but I think she's still learning.  I don't mind being the test dummy (most of the time) but when I come for future appointments, he better not think he can skip out on seeing me and let her do all the work.  He can't get rid of me that easily...
He did tell me that I'll need to come in more often in order to get me pumped up and ready before its time for surgery.  So he's asked me to come in every two weeks instead of every three weeks.  So if he wants to see me more often, he's gonna have to keep on pumping them up! lol
Dr. A. talked to me about the implant surgery too.  He talked about the possibility of doing two surgeries instead of one to get a better result.  The first surgery would involve some lipo around my belly (Ha!) and injecting the fat around my expanders and get it situated, so to speak.  The second surgery would involve taking out the expanders and putting in the final implants.  He said he thought it would be a better option for me instead of the single surgery -and it's covered by insurance - so I trust his judgment and decided to do.  Now I'm just waiting on his office to give me a call and get it on the books.  I can't believe I'm in the final stretch of everything!

Sometimes I feel like battling cancer is easier than managing my diabetes.

Despite what everyone thinks of me, I don't sit around and gorge on sugar, candy, fattening foods and eat nothing but carbs all day long.  I just don't believe in limiting myself.  I learned from Weight Watchers that it is all about moderation.  That's why I have tons of candy around my house - because I can eat one or two pieces and move on.  That's why I eat dessert - because I know I can balance it with my meal.  That's why I still eat carbs - because my body needs them to function and I'm not going to deprive myself.

But - back to the sugars:
I've been diabetic for about a year now.  I started insulin therapy last March and it took me 3 months to get my fasting sugars under 120 on a regular basis.  Of course this was all during things like chemo and being sick, but still.  I was ecstatic in July when my A1C was actually normal and I had kept my suagrs under control on a consistent basis.  When the doctor changed my insulin, my sugars weren't what they were supposed to be even with control, so I went back to my old stuff.  After that, my sugars were out of control again - and then I had my mastectomy.  Once again, I spent 3 months testing with different levels of insulin until I found the right dose that got my sugars under control again.  This time I lasted 3 weeks.  Then the new year came and BAM my suagrs are elevated again.

I changed what I eat at night.  I test before/after dinner and take mealtime insulin like I'm supposed to.  Before anyone says it yeah I do forget sometimes - like if we go out to eat or if I fall asleep early.
But I am always working to monitor my blood sugar and report back to the doctor when something goes nuts.  But I feel so stupid that I've been doing this for a year now and still can't get things under control.  I feel like I'm supposed to know what I'm doing by now.  And since I obviously don't know what I'm doing, I must not be a very good patient.

Dr. B. doesn't take any crap.  He can sense when I'm lying or trying to make excuses.  He's tough and a little scary, which cna be a good thing.  But it also makes me scared to face him.  I'm scared to tell him I'm still failing at this and can't get my act together.  I don't want him to think I'm a non-compliant patient or that I'm not trying hard enough. 

I'm tired of feeling like a failure.  I can't beat cancer - twice.  But I can't keep my blood sugar under control.

It's a new year, and today marked the first event of fighting and arguing with the insurance company and doctors offices.


Today I was scheduled to see Dr. R in Dallas and then have an echo test done in Dr. S. office.

I got new insurance for 2016.  It costs a little more, but it has cheaper copays and covers all my doctors I see in Dallas.  Sounds great right?  The only downfall is that it requires a referral to see any specialist.


So I get a call at 9am this morning from Dr. R office asking for my new insurance information.  Apparently bringing it in when I get there at 2:00 was not acceptable.  They then proceed to tell me that without a referral, they will have to cancel my app for the day and reschedule.  And I panicked.  I mean, I already have another appt scheduled in Dallas I have to go to and I'm running out of time I can take off at work.  So I called my new PCP, whom I was scheduled to see this coming Friday.  Unfortunately, they couldn't send the referral.  But the nurse did me worked in an hour later and had me establish with my PCP, Dr. W. today.  Once I got in, I explained my situation, and Dr. W. sent in all the referrals for all my upcoming specialists visits.  Whoo -hoo!  Almost.

After her nurse gives me a pneumonia vaccine Dr. W. thought I needed (ouch!), the nurse tells me that my referral would not be ready by the afternoon because the insurance takes 2-4 days to process them.  I called the insurance myself but ran into dead ends.  It was hopeless.  I was going to have to cancel my appts and never complete the echo test they wanted.

After I had a mental breakdown in my car and cried until my eyes were sore, I decided to just drive to Dallas and work something out with Dr. R's office - with or without a referral.  I got as far as Terrell thinking about everything I would say to the front desk, or demand to see the clinic manager or just cry in front of the whole office.  But the clerk called and said while they did verify my benefits, they still didn't have my referral.  I was prepared to argue and started to get short, but she said that my insurance will allow me to see a specialist without a referral, but the copay was much higher.

While I hated paying more money, I was happy I could still make my appt.  So I agreed and drove on.  Even after I arrived, they still had trouble filing and verifying my insurance, so I had to delay lab work the doctor wanted. 

Dr. R. says my gastric emptying study, colonoscopy and upper GI scope were all normal, so he's not sure what could be causing all of my gastric problems I started having during chemo.  He's ordered some more tests and is even trying out an anti-biotic to rule out any unseen infection.  Dr. R is very sweet and reminds me so much of Dr. S.  He assured me that my symptoms were not just in my head and I'm not a hypochondriac.  He's determined to figure out what's still causing my symptoms and fixing them once and for all.

After that I went over to Dr S. office and had my echo test done.  I had one done before I started chemo, and the chemo is known for causing heart damage, so this echo is just checking to see if any damage has been done.  I go back to see him next week, so he'll tell me the results then.

The day started out very stressful and I thought I was just going to lose my sh*t.  I hate that I'm already fighting with the insurance company and having to jump through hoops just to get everything in order.  But I like my new PCP and I still got to keep my appts today.  Although things didn't go the way I planned and they didn't miraculously get better, I managed to survive and still got what I needed.  After all, we know things could always have been a lot worse.

It's a new year.  2015 is gone.  2016 is rolling in.

This time a year ago I thought my worst health problem was cataracts or diabetes.  I remember thinking how much that sucked and why did it have to happen to me?

Well, things can always get worse...

In February of 2015 I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I can't begin to explain how it changed everything.  Through the chemo, the surgeries, the countless doctor visits, and of course the horrible strain on our finances, I'm actually amazed I made it out with my sanity still some what in tact.  Of course I have to repeat that I had great family, friends and doctors behind me and supporting me through it all.

In 2016, I see this journey/battle/pain in my ass coming to an end.  I'll finish my infusions at the end of March, Dr. A. is working on pumping my boobs back to size and I'll have my final implant surgery sometime in the summer.  Is it considered to be over then?  Will I be able to day I'm done?  At what point does it just become a memory of your past and not something you have to think about every single day?

In 2015 I avoided cameras like crazy.  I didn't want the world to see me like that - like it was something I had to hide behind.  Even though I made a resolution to take more photos of myself in 2015, I failed.  So in 2016, I hope I can fix that.  I'm going to try and take more pictures of myself, no matter if I think they make me look weak, sick, or just downright weird.  I'm also hoping to include photos of those around me and part of my journey, like Dr. S., Dr. A. and even Dr. L if I can get her to stand still for a few minutes.  lol  I'm getting more excited about returning to my former self, so I hope to make them into happy memories and photograph them all.  Maybe I'll write a book one day and include these photos in some timeline photos!


So here's to a new year - one that hopes to prove cancer free, with new smiles, new hopes, new hair, and fancy new boobs!

Party it up with the sparkling grape juice