Day 5 post surgery

I've been home for a few days now.  Luckily there's no major developments - I haven't had any infections or problems with the incisions.  Pain has been minimal and I'm able to empty my own wound drains just fine.  Thank God I don't have to clean any ports or incisions on my own - they'll take care of that in the office.

Each day I wake up and try to find a way to occupy my time while not straining or hurting myself.  I know I'm in recuperation mode, but I'm already beginning to feel useless in my own home.  I can't clean anything, I can't do laundry - hell I couldn't even put away the groceries someone had brought over for me.  I'm finding it hard to focus on myself and recover when I keep thinking of all the things I could/should be doing.

I guess by today the numbness/loss of feeling I felt in my breast has finally gone away,because I feel the full sensitivity/pain/tightness from the whole surgery.  My sides are sore and it hurts to even touch my arms to them.  The expanders are shifting, and they're turning my skin red and hot.  Because of this, I spent several hours last night panicking that I now had some infection, even though I didn't have a fever and I've been taking my antibiotics.  Luckily we have several nurses in the family, so they were able to check on me and talk me down from the crazy cliff.  I see both doctors this coming Tuesday, so if I can just keep myself from panicking until then, I think I'll just keep my sanity.

Day 2 post surgery

I finally went home today!  The doctors were held up in surgery and Jeremy couldn't pick me up until after work, so I hung around the hospital room for the day.  I got up and ate at my table, crocheted a little bit and walked around the floor.  After lunch, Dr A. came back and changed my bandages on my incisions and checked all my other wounds.  The skin has very little tint back into it - that's not much progress but it is some form of improvement.  Slow - but improvement.

Shortly later Dr L. came by and talked with me.  She said the final pathology from my lymph node biopsy came back and found that every bit of cancer is gone from my breast - both sides!  Nothing spread and nothing has metastasized!  Celebrate!!  No more chemo, no more surgeries and no radiation!  I just have to finish the Herceptin therapy through next March and then I am a free woman!

Dr L. explained the skin problem to me but said she doesn't see why it would hinder me getting my permanent implants down the road.  Things may be delayed, but they are not impossible.

After both doctors discharged me and Jeremy came later that afternoon to pick me up.  It turned into one of the hardest rides home.  I couldn't wear a seatbelt across my incisions, so the car kept beeping at me.  And I had to surround myself with giant pillows to elevate my arms and secure my drains.  I was so happy to finally be home and in my own recliner!

Being home after surgery is a whole different experience than being in the hospital after a surgery.  First of all, I don't have any damn diabetic restrictions so I can eat whatever the hell I want.  Plus I don't have someone checking on me every few hours, so I'm actually able to get some rest.  But on the flip side that means I have to watch myself closer and remember to take my own meds and empty my own wound drains.  And sleeping in my own bed is great, but I do miss the flexibility of the hospital beds.  Maybe I should of had the doctor write me an RX to have one at home!

Day 1 post surgery

Today it still hurts to get in and out of the bed.  I dread just going to the bathroom.  You never realize how every day movements and activities become sheer torture until you've had breast surgery.

I found out today they put me on a diabetic restriction diet when I tried to order breakfast.  Apparently the nurse forgot to give me the diabetic menu (instead gave me the no restrictions menu) and I ticked off someone in the call center by trying to order things I was not allowed to have.  Yes I am diabetic, but I've never had to restrict my food intake because I keep my numbers under control.  I hate it when doctors assign a generic diabetic regimen for patients that come into the hospital - instead of just looking at the care plan me and Dr B. made out for me.  Ugh!  I spent the rest of the day arguing with the hospitalist about how much insulin I do or do not need and to have the nurse stop pricking my damn finger so often.  The hospitalist also treated me for low magnesium and low iron, so I was put on a regimen to fix those for the next two days.

Dr L. came in very early to check on me.  She didn't stay long, but told me the surgery went well and that she would check on me again before I go home the next day.  A few hours later, Dr A. came by and inspected all my incisions and bruises.  I felt a sense of pride when he noticed a topical medication had been administered the wrong way and he was quick to get angry with one of the nurses.  I love having doctors that stick up for me and will take notice of something that anyone too-busy doctor would have overlooked.  He makes me smile!

Half way through the day, after the IV ABX and magnesium were finished, they removed the IV in my hand and I felt so much more free to move around!  I walked around the floor and ate sitting in a chair by the bed.  I was even able to shower without carrying the giant IV pole along with me.  Whoo-hoo!

By today I can feel like I'm getting better already.  I'm up moving around, I'm off the morphine pump, eating regular meals and feel a million times better after a shower.  I felt a little depressed when Jeremy had to head back to Tyler to go back to work, so I spent the rest of the night by myself.  I knew he'd be back the next day to pick me up.  Not that I got much sleep that night any way - between the nurse coming in at 3am to prick my finger and the brand new student PCA at 6am who had no idea how to take a blood pressure on the calf before...

Surgery day.

It started off by me waking up late and getting stuck in traffic on I-45 on the way to the hospital. I wonder if that was a sign from God?  Once I got to the hospital, I checked into pre-op and waiting for the doctors to arrive.  The nurse was unable to get a good, working IV, which made me more nervous - on top of being dehydrated from being NPO for too long.  My sugars were kind of high, but I had to skip my nightly insulin the night before.  Dr L. and Dr A. came into my 'pod' and discussed the surgery with me and answered any final questions I had.  Dr L. explained how they will be taking my sentinel node in both of my arm pits to see if the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes or shows any signs of progression.  As if I wasn't worried enough!  But as the anesthesiologist tried to inject my sleep meds into my IV, they found it wasn't working.  So as they wheeled me back into the OR and strapped me to the table, they had to access my port.  Dr L. came into the ER, sat on a stool next to the bed and held my hand.  I told her I was freaking out and my anxiety was getting the better of me.  But she sat with me and talked with me until the anesthesiologist accessed my port and shot me full of juice.  Within 3 seconds I was out.

I woke up in recovery, which was pretty uneventful.  I remember having to stay down there longer than I needed to because they couldn't figure out how to draw labs if they weren't allowed to do a venipuncture on either arm.  I woke up again being wheeled down the halls toward my room.  When we arrived, the transporters were oh-so-amazed that I wasn't able to get into my room bed all by myself.  Only after I broke down into tears and told them I couldn't move did they finally find a way to slide me over.  So I felt pretty ashamed of myself.

The rest of the day I spent in and out of a morphine fog.  I don't like doping myself and I hate how pain medicines make me feel, but I was crying every time I got up to go to the bathroom and every time I tried to sit up in bed.  Dr A. came by later that evening to check my wounds again and talked with my family.  He told me there were some problems in the OR.  Apparently I have decreased blood flow to my breast, so a good portion of the skin in necrotic and will need extra time to heal.  He said he placed the expander in there, but I will need extra time to heal before he is ready to start pumping me up.  All we can do now is wait and see if it heals on it's own over time - but worst case scenario is that we'd have to do a skin graft.  Ouch.

My mom and my aunt were with me and Jeremy all day, but they had to head back to Tyler after the doctor checked on me.  Jeremy sat next to the bed and watched TV with me the rest of the night.  But the morphine wasn't making me much company, so I wound up falling asleep during one of the shows.  I was woken up 2 more times during the night for nurse checks and for vitals and of course, a painful trip to/from the bathroom.

Tomorrow is the big day.

Super nervous.  The last time I had surgery close to this size was in 2008 when I had the two hip surgeries.  But even those were pretty quick - I was only in the hospital for one day and went home to recover.  But this surgery will take 6-7 hours and I'll be in the hospital for 3 days. 

And the recovery is extensive - which scares me the most.  I don't know if I can handle the after-care, the follow up appointments, the medicines and the stinkin' drains!  Ugh I'm dreading the drains.  Everyone says it's nothing compared to what I've gone through before - but that doesn't make it any easier to handle.  It doesn't take away my stress or my anxiety.  Ugh.

This surgery makes everything real - I have breast cancer.  It's dangerous.  I have to work to get rid of it and make sure it doesn't come back.  It's not like a pill or chemo that you can take and over time you forget about it.  I can't hide it like I did my first cancer when people were surprised I had cancer in the first place.  This will be changed forever.  Everyone will know.  Everyone will see how it changed me.

Will I ever be seen as strong as I used to be?  Will they only pity me or feel sorry for me?
I used to be seen as a tough cookie and someone that could do anything.  But now that I have to have this surgery - am I still tough?  Still strong?  Am I still me?

Today was a whirlwind of events.  Whoo!

Today I had several appointments for my pre-op clearance for my surgery next Monday - the 24th.  First stop of the day was to see Dr. L.  She was out of the office,but I spoke with her nurse instead, who gave me the run-down of when surgery starts, what they'll do, recovery time, etc.  She also showed me the LOVELY drains I have to take care of for the next several weeks.  Ugh.  In case many of you don't know, the drains are hooked into my breast tissue and are connected by a tube into a hollow bulb - and as the incision/tissues drain of blood/pus/excess whatever, they drain out into these bulbs.  Then I have to empty these things every day and measure how much comes out.  Ew.  This may be the worst part about this whole thing....

Next stop was to see Dr. A., who is the plastic surgeon giving me my boobs back.  He discussed some of the incisions they'll make and told me where scars may be.  Then he talked about how I'll need to come back once a week for a check up and get the expanders filled.  This should take about 5-6 weeks.  As long as no further treatment is necessary, I could have my permanent implants as early as Christmas!  lol  But I told him I'd want to wait until after the holidays, so we're shooting for next Spring.  He kept reassuring me I was in good hands with him and Dr. L. and that they've done a lot of these before.  Gee thanks.

My next stop was to pre-admissions.  I had to sign a ton of paperwork, submit my insurance information - again, and then sent for pre-admission testing.  They took another whole medical history and showed me where to check in and where I'll be transported to for the surgery.  She told me what floor I'll go to once I'm admitted to the hospital, but of course I won't know what room yet.

My last stop for the day was to see the gastro doctor, Dr. R.  He's been checking me since chemo wreaked such havoc on my gastric system and made me really sick.  The problems have lessened, but they haven't stopped like they should have, so he wants to run a number of tests.  Of course they'll have to wait until after my surgery, but we have them scheduled anyway.  So one more thing to look forward to.

So with surgery only days away, everything is finally lining up.  Which doesn't make me any less nervous of course.  This is one surgery I don't know how to handle.  I'm anxious about losing a part of my body - and looking and feeling different.  Yes my husband loves me, but will he look at me different?  Will people see that something is wrong with me?  Will they think I'm not as strong as I say I am?

Surgery is Monday August 24th.  A friend of our was generous enough to loan us her condo on Galveston Island for a relaxation weekend before being saddled down by surgery recovery.

Jeremy and I left Saturday morning and headed South.  Everything was going smooth until we got to the other side of Houston and hit dead-stop traffic.  Ugh this kind of traffic makes me antsy as crap, so I sent Jeremy on a number of back roads and crossovers.  Almost two hours later, we found a way around the traffic and made it to the island.  After checking into our condo and dropping our bags, we ate dinner with some family and watched some TV.  I was so happy to crash in a nice comfy bed later that night.

I slept until early Sunday afternoon.  I was so excited to see a Waffle House on the island, so we went there for breakfast/lunch.  After I had my chocolate chip waffle, we went by the store for some odd and ends for the condo and bought a few souvenirs.  We returned to the resort our condo was in and played some putt putt.  I should tell you that neither one of us are very good at it, so we looked pretty stupid!  lol  But we still had fun and I didn't exert myself.  Back at the condo, we prepared to go to Moody Gardens and ride the Colonel Paddle boat.  But as we drove down the island, I started feeling sick to my stomach and we had to miss the sail time and head back to the condo.  Once I was sure I was feeling better, Jeremy and I decided to simply walk along the beach.  We found mussels, craps and numerous shells and took some pictures.  That night, we had a quiet night on the couch, watching TV, playing on his computer and me knitting some new yarn.

Monday we were heading home.   We woke u in time for lunch, but mostly hung around the condo and enjoying our last few hours of vacation.  We checked out and headed for Moody Gardens to catch the Colonel today.  The 'steam' paddle boat cruised around the bay for over an hour before returning to the Moody Garden pyramids.  Unfortunately, everything in Moody Gardens had closed by now, so we headed off the island.  We made one last stop to say high to some family in Houston and then continued on.  Of course we stopped in Conroe and ate at one of my favorite places - Taco Cabana!  lol  After driving through back woods and country roads, we finally arrived back home around 1am.  Phew!

All in all it was a fun and relaxing weekend, even if we didn't do much of anything.  Check out my Facebook to see the many photos we posted from our trip!

I'm sure many of you saw our news story in the Jacksonville Progress newspaper, and if you missed it, you can see it here:
Cancer Survivor Rises Like A Phoenix

Well CBS 19 in Tyler finally caught wind of the story and did their own interview with me.  I never realized how weird I sounded on camera!  lol
You can read the story or watch the video that was aired here:
Tyler Woman Battles Cancer Twice


These are some great stories that feature yours truly.  I feel so blessed to have the chance to spread my story and have people tune in!

I hope these stories can help spread the word of my battle, and even though they don't highlight it,  and of the expenses cancer can cause.  Please don't forget to visit my You Caring site and make a donation whenever possible.  Be sure to leave your contact information so I can send a thank you back!

You Caring -Help Stina Kick Cancer's Butt Again

Friday I had to come to work early.  Out of routine for me, I had to go to one of the buildings across the street from where I normally work.  As I was walking over, a patient standing outside smiled and said “Oh, you must work in the surgery department”.  I assume she was referring to the fact that I was wearing a cap on my head, so I just smiled and said “No ma’am it’s because I don’t have any hair.”

She was an older lady, so she immediately started saying things like “bless your heart” and “oh my goodness”.  I’d told her how I finished chemo and was getting ready for my surgery.  She paused for a minute and said her husband was inside the oncology clinic now and was being treated for prostate cancer.  She said he was afraid of going through chemo since he didn’t know how it was going to make him feel, so she asked me could I tell her what it was like.  I told her his fear was understandable, and although everyone is different and handles chemo differently, I told her some of the problems I had during chemo.  Her eyes got a little wider and she said “But you look so healthy!”  I gave her some advice about ensuring he eats right and stays active when he can (however little that is) and that it can keep the body going and help rejuvenate itself.

I asked her who he was seeing, and it was a Dr. K. that I used to work for.  I assured her that he is a great DR and in fact is the chief of his department.  She said they were very relieved to be able to get her husband in within days and start treatment right away.  I told her someone (as I pointed upward) was looking out for him because Dr. K. is usually booked out for months and often has to refer patients elsewhere.  She was so happy to hear that and I can tell it made her feel better to know that.

As I parted ways with her, I couldn’t help but feel like this was an odd encounter.  I’m a friendly person, but I rarely talk to people I don’t know, nor do I just start spilling my business to someone I just met.  Some would say is was coincidence – some would say it was some kind of spiritual intervention.  Whatever it was – I know that she’ll be stuck in my head for a while and I’ll silently wonder if her husband decided to go along with chemo or not.

A short day – but it still drained all my energy!

I had to return to Dallas on Thursday to continue my infusion therapy and get a checkup from Dr. S.  Before I went to his office, I stopped by MCD’s case manager office to pick up some paperwork.  While there, I met a volunteer, we’ll call her Ann, who works with the ACS.  She sat and talked with me and gave me a bagful of materials to read through about mastectomies and even gave me a few gifts to take home.  She said she had surgery at MCD too for breast cancer and proceeded to tell me what a great job the doctor did for her.  She was even excited to show me the cleavage her DR had ‘built’ for her.  Weird.
Her and the case manager were very helpful and I enjoyed talking to someone who had gone through what I have.  They set up a time to come see me after my surgery to see how I’m doing and will most likely drop off some more materials for me to take home.

Thursday was my first return to Dr. S.’s office after finishing my chemo.  As I said before, I still have to return every 3 weeks, as scheduled, to get 1 infusion of Herceptin – an antibody medicine design to help prevent the cancer from reoccurring.  Luckily the Herceptin doesn't cause near as many side effects as the other 3 medicines I used to get, but it still causes plenty of flu-like symptomns, such as nausea, loss of appetitie, bone/joint pain and of course fatigue.  Looks like I still won't be feeling like myself for a while.  When I went to see Dr. S., he gave me a check over and said that I am handling all of my treatments very well and he is glad to see it has not caused as many problems or side effects as it could have.  He cleared me to go downstairs and I was hooked up for my infusion.  Luckily, since I’m only getting 1 medicine instead of 4, it only took an hour and I was free to go home.  Whoo hoo!

One last stop before home – the Waffle House.  I hadn’t been in years, but I love it.  The nearest one is 45 minutes from Tyler, so we made sure to stop here before heading home.