Tomorrow I'll go back in to surgery with Dr. A. He's gonna take out my expanders and replace them with my 'permanent' silicone boobs. It's the final phase of my reconstruction and is supposed to make me feel like myself again. I've had to delay the surgery twice, so I'm glad it's finally here. I'm so glad my cousin let me stay at his place tonight and for the next few days so I can be close to the hospital and close to the clinic for any post-op appt. I think I'll buy him a six pack of beer or something to keep in his fridge for when he gets back. lol
Tomorrow is the last step in getting back to normal. My last surgery in this loooooong journey. I'll be getting my final boobs and will no longer have to be reminded of cancer. I'm trying to not to get my hopes all up and think this is going to be some glorious transformation, but I'm so ready to be done. No more planning or future surgeries. No more explaining why my boobs are giving me problems with the expanders. No more frequent trips to the surgeons. No more.
Of course I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm exhausted.
I'm scared post-op recovery is going to be hard. I don't have as much faith in myself as everyone else does in me. I'm tired of 'recovering' and 'healing'. I just want to fast forward to a few months from now when I can be myself again. Where I can focus on my new self - my new me.
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