Tales from the Flight of the Phoenix

For the past two days, I think I've sunk into a pit of depression.  I know that sounds dramatic, but I felt like I fell into it and am just trying to climb back out.

Ever since the party, I've felt down about myself, and things in my life.  I'm always battling the insurance company, who has denied almost $10,000 worth of services that I am still arguing about.  Jeremy starts work next week, so that means the paycheck is two weeks away - which makes every bill tighter and tighter.  Jeremy will be leaving on a truck soon, which is starting to make me feel lonely even though he hasn't even left yet.  I have 4 craft fairs I need to prepare for, but have lost motivation to work on any projects.  I finally broke down when I tried to pick up my lymphedema sleeve for the painful lymphedema in my left arm after the surgery.  After waiting 3 weeks for the damn thing to come in, I find out it's not covered by insurance and I have to pay full price - which of course I don't have.

I'm also out of my hormone patches, so that could explain the excessive crying and bitchiness.  But everything seems to make me more sad and I'm finding very few things that make me smile.  Even Jeremy has tried to cheer me up but it only back fires on him.  I didn't even want to go out to eat today when Jeremy offered, which is a big thing for me!  I didn't know how to get out.

The only thing I found solace in today was when I cleared off my cluttered sewing desk and plugged in my machine.  I played some music, sewed a bag for a friend and made some calendar sets to put in my online store.  I was only in my craft room for a few hours, but by the time I finally stopped, I felt better.  I was less sad and was a lot less mopey.  The sheer joy of just sitting in my craft room, working with my hands and crafting things again just instantly lifted my mood and helped me sort out my feelings.  I haven't been able to do that since I got sick since I was always worrying about treatments, schedules, work, house cleaning and finally my surgery, which put me out for several weeks.

I'm feeling better now, but don't feel like I've climbed all the way out of the hole yet.  It's hard being the tough one and the one that always has her chin up, but I break down sometimes.  Sometimes I just get tired of trying to hold everything up and just end up letting to all fall to the ground.  I'm sure someone out there will tell me I'm over-reacting or just that I'm in an emotional stage.  I don't know anymore.  I just know I'm tired of being stressed.  I'm tired of being sad.  I'm just tired of being tired.